Always and Never the Same
by Anne Nye
Summary: Post S5. It's been 6 months and Dean's been trying to have his "apple pie life". But after a dream that shows Sam alive and in trouble, he thinks not everything is as it seems. With old faces, strange allies, and new enemies, their battle isn't over yet.  On Very Long Term Hiatus.
1. Rude Awakening

**Disclaimer:** I own absolutely no part of Supernatural…as much as I know we would all love to have the rights to Jared and Jensen.

Alright…I opened this account years ago and have yet to write anything in it, so it's a little daunting to be starting now, lol. However, out of the many story ideas that have crossed through my mind over the years, this is one I've decided to actually try out. Supernatural is by far one of my favorite series, and I will probably never be able to do it justice. But, even if this is only for my own enjoyment and you all hate it, I wanted to finally take a crack at writing something.

Therefore, I (nervously) present to you chapter one.

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Six months. Six whole months. And Dean Winchester couldn't decide if really felt more like six years or six days instead. Days did seem to just blur together sometimes, but at the same time the absence of so many things is what brought to his attention how much time really had passed. He wasn't sure if it made a difference either way though. It was all just…life now.

Dean shoved the key into the lock, jiggling it around a few times before it finally clicked and the door swung open. He strolled into the small, one-bedroom apartment he called home now, throwing the keys and his jacket on a side table as he went. The place wasn't anything fancy. The AC didn't work, the water took ten minutes to warm up, and almost everywhere you looked something was peeling or chipped, but it wasn't like he could afford anything else. Besides, it was definitely better than any of the hundreds of sketchy motels and inns he had stayed in over the years. Lisa, of course, had offered for him to stay in her house, and he had for a couple of weeks after…after he came back, but he knew it wasn't right. At least not right now. The last thing he needed was for Ben, or even Lisa, to get mixed signals.

Don't get him wrong; he genuinely cared for both of them that he was sure of. Lisa had obviously changed since their "bendy weekend" together, but she was still as good a woman as ever. And Ben…well, Ben was just like Dean when he was little, so of course he was awesome. Still, despite all his efforts to settle down into a normal lifestyle, he knew he wasn't quite…there yet. At least not close enough that he could really give the Braeden's what they deserved. Hunting had been put aside, though, which was probably the biggest step of all. He kept in touch with Bobby, once in a while, and people would still call him about cases sometimes but he politely (as politely as he could muster) declined. There was no more pouring over newspapers or surfing the Internet for hints of the supernatural. He didn't even open the trunk of the impala, though he realized he should probably clean that out at some point, just so he didn't get caught with it. He forced himself to quit cold turkey, but it wasn't as hard to resist the urge as he thought it might be. The reasons could have been multiple, though at the base of every one was the same core reason. Sam.

The thought was fleeting, but it was enough to send Dean over to the fridge to grab a bottle of cold beer. Cracking the lid off against the counter top, he put the slightly bitter liquid to his lips and downed almost half of it in a couple of long gulps. As he leaned against the hard surface, he saw his phone, his home one, blinking. With the bottle still in hand, he quickly went over and pressed a few buttons, in order to hear the message. "Hey Dean, it's me," it began, Lisa's voice quickly filling up the room. "Listen, I know it might not be your thing but…my parents are going to be in town this weekend. They know you've been staying around here, and I just wanted to extend a proper dinner invitation. It could be nice for you to meet them. Nothing fancy, I promise, and don't feel like you have to. I just wanted you to know…so, call me when you can, okay? Bye."

A longer beep signaled the end of the message, and somehow Dean felt the barest of smiles making its way across his face. Meeting the parents, huh? He couldn't remember the last time he did that and had it end well. Still, he was grateful that she thought to include him. Lisa was making a damn impressive effort to include him in her and Ben's life, most likely also in an attempt to ease his own assimilation into this kind of lifestyle, even if it wasn't with them. He didn't know if he could ever fully repay her. "Dinner with the folks…" he repeated to himself, shaking his head once before taking another swig of beer. Well, maybe that would be a start. He made a mental note to call her back tonight, but at the moment it had been a long day, and all he really wanted was a bit of shut-eye.

Finishing the rest of his drink, Dean strolled over to his couch, and flopped down horizontally on the cushions, eyes already beginning to close as his head hit an armrest.

††††††††

_Sam was standing near the wall of the poorly lit room. Well, perhaps standing was an overstatement. It looked liked his knees were attempting to buckle underneath him, but he was being forced upright by his wrists that were tied tightly to some pipes above him. Sweat and dirt marred his features, and most of his clothes, though otherwise he seemed unhurt. Simply exhausted. There was the sound of a door opening, and then footsteps, clicking with high heels. Sam lifted his head just barely,_

"_Good morning sunshine," a crisp, female voice spoke. "Hope the accommodations are to your liking. But I can't imagine this is your first time being chained up. You are a Winchester, after all," she continued, her tone almost cheery, but there was a dark edge to it._

"_Who are you?" Sam asked right away, his voice hoarse, but mostly steady and clearly audible._

_The woman stepped forward, much more in view now, standing under one of the few light bulbs that occupied the space. She had chestnut brown hair, cut short into almost a bob, though the ends curled out gently. Her frame was tall and lean, as she wore a simple navy dress with leggings and boots. Her grey eyes were looking straight at Sam with a slightly hardened expression. "Tsk, such a shame you don't recognize me," she said, tilting her head a little. "I supposed that's the problem with all this possessing business," she added, her eyes rolling back to reveal a now pitch-black gaze. _

_Sam's own eyes narrowed slightly. "Right, so we've met…" he stated flatly, seemingly racking his mind for the answer. "Meg…Ruby?" he prodded, rather hoping he was wrong on both accounts though._

_She merely gave a scoff, and took a few slow, lengthy steps forward so she was only inches away from his face. "Think harder, love" she replied, and it suddenly hit him. Her accent. It was British._

_Surprise quickly passed over his features as he put the pieces into place. "Bela…" he said, almost quietly. _

_She gave a wicked smirk as she stepped back again. "Give the man a prize," she said sarcastically. "It really has been too long, Sam, though longer for me as you can imagine. I'm sure Dean mentioned that time doesn't really fly in Hell," Bela continued, bitterness creeping into her tone._

"_Why are you doing this Bela?" he demanded, though surprisingly he still sounded more confused than angry. "Is this because Dean and I couldn't save you? If you told us-"_

"_No it's, not that," the brunette cut him off quickly. "Dare I say it, no one could have probably helped me with that," she admitted grudgingly. _

"_Then what am I doing here, huh?" he asked, beginning to sound impatient._

_Her head turned to look at him, her face seemingly calm, and her eyes were no longer black, but the coldness hadn't left them. "You're doing nothing. You're not the one I have a bone to pick with," she said simply. "It's merely a well known fact that if you want to get to one Winchester, you have to get the other first."_

_Sam looked momentarily stunned, observing her closely. "You want Dean? What would you want with him, but not with me?" _

_Bela gave a harsh laugh, striding back over to him quickly. "What would I want with him? Isn't it obv…" she began angrily, but then suddenly paused, realization washing over her features. "He…he didn't tell you, did he?" The woman fell back a few paces, laughing again, though much more bitterly this time. "Of course he didn't. The heroic older brother…he wouldn't ruin his precious image even for you, would he?" she shook her head, looking down for a moment, before she stood rigid again, her previous coldness returning. "Well, it doesn't matter. He can tell you all about it when he gets here."_

_This time Sam shook his head. "Look, I don't know what you've got planned, but I can tell you now, Dean isn't coming," he informed her matter-of-factly._

_Bela just rolled her eyes. "Oh really? Since when does Dean ever not try when it comes to you?"_

_Sam's gaze shifted to the floor. "It's not the same. He believes I'm dead Bela, or as good as dead. Same as everyone else that I knew," he explained, trying to sound nonchalant about it, but the smallest hint of disappointment, or possibly regret, made its way into his tone. _

_She seemed to freeze a little, doubt almost passing over her features, but she hid it well. "I highly doubt he believes that. It's you two idiots, we're talking about…always springing the other out of trouble, even if you know you shouldn't," she replied flatly. "You really think he would ever just leave it as 'oh well, guess my baby brother is stuck in a box in hell for all eternity?"_

"_How about you really think, Bela," he said, truly sounding a little angry for the first time. "You found me all alone, no signs that I was traveling with anybody else. And by my estimate I've been in here for days, and nobody's even tried to contact me, am I right?" he asked pointedly. She said nothing, but the woman's jaw tightened slightly as she looked off to the side. "It's been half a year since the apocalypse, and I'm on my own. Nobody's coming, and even if you track down Dean yourself, he won't believe I'm here," Sam continued, his tone serious. _

_Bela's arm crossed, as there was a moment of tense silence between them. Then her arms dropped flatly at her sides, suddenly looking at him sharply. "Things haven't changed that much," she said sternly. "He'll come, one way or the other. I'll make sure of it." With that, she turned swiftly on her heels, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind her._

And then Dean Winchester awoke with a jolt, sitting straight up on the couch, his dark green eyes widening with surprise.

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Phew. Well, there it is. Hopefully my chapters will normally be longer than this, but I need to get a little warmed up first. I would love reviews, both positive and negative (I promise I can take the criticism…most days). Will do my best to update weekly, especially if I actually get readers, lol.

Until next time, thanks for stopping by!

~ Miss Nye


	2. Here We Go Again

Disclaimer: I do not presume to own any rights to Supernatural. All kudos go to Eric Kripke.

Not much to say this time, except thank you to all the readers and reviewers of chapter 1! Now on to chapter numero 2.

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His back nearly stick straight, Dean took a couple of slow breaths before he visibly relaxed again, swinging his legs over the edge of the seat cushions and planting his feet firmly on the ground. He hunched onto his knees slightly, shaking his head once as he ran a hand through his short, dirty blonde hair. "What the hell…" he muttered to himself, his tone laced with confusion, and maybe even a bit of worry.

After another few silent breaths, he leaned back heavily against the couch, his head hanging slightly over the back. A million different thoughts were going through is mind right now, but mostly he just tried to get himself to calm down. It was only a dream…right?

The young man closed his eyes, as another part said to stop kidding himself. He had never had a dream like that before. Something about it felt strangely vivid…like he could have reached out and it all would have been tangible…but at the same time it didn't make any sense at all. Was it just a guilty conscious acting up again? After all, no matter how many people chimed in saying that what happened to Sam wasn't his fault, of course he was still going to feel responsible. They were brothers. In the end, they always looked out for each other, above all else.

Had he thought about trying to get Sam out of Lucifer's cage? Damn straight he had. Deep down, though, he knew he couldn't. This wasn't like the time he had forbade Sam to pull his own ass out of hell years ago. Even ignoring the fact that the only way to open the cage seemed to be the 66 seals business, he really didn't know if it would _be_ Sam anymore. Despite the strength Sam had shown before, months had passed. Maybe Lucifer had taken the reigns back. Hell, Michael had been thrown in there too, right? Maybe they just started fighting it out again. He couldn't even begin to image what it was like.

Dean eyes stared intently at a stain in his carpet. The way Sam…dream Sam, spoke…well, he wasn't aware that his mind could do such a realistic impression of his brother. The emotions, his tone, making it blatantly clear that Dean wasn't supposed to know he was back…he stood up quickly, shaking his head more violently this time, as if that was going to make him forget about it. No, it was just a dream.

Before he was aware he was doing it, Dean was pacing silently across his kitchen. Okay, having Sam on his mind was maybe no real surprise, but then why in the hell would he be dreaming about Bela Talbot of all people? Quite honestly, he hadn't even had much of passing thought about the conniving, thieving Brit in years. And the last thing he needed was yet another black-eyed bitch out for his head even in his sleep…though that was the other part that didn't make sense. What was with all the animosity towards him? Sure, they had never been friends, but why were his dreams making up something about this heated, personal vendetta against him?

He forced himself to stop moving, leaning lightly against his small kitchen table. 'Still gotta drive me crazy, don't you Sammy?' he thought, trying to make a joke out of it, but even in his head it sounded painfully lonely. He rested his hands in his pockets, but then his right fingers brushed up against something. Dean pulled his cell phone out, staring at it in his hand.

"_And by my estimate I've been in here for days, and nobody's even tried to contact me, am I right?" _

He silently flipped the phone open, staring at the screen. It wasn't possible…he knew it wasn't possible…and yet…he found himself pressing down on speed dial and putting the device to his ear.

It rang once…twice…and then there was a click.

His breath hitched for a moment before a monotonous voice came through. _"We're sorry. The number you have dialed is not in service as this time. Please-"_

Dean closed the phone quickly. He shook his head, chuckling almost bitterly. Yeah, their cell phone coverage probably didn't include hell. And even if Sam was back he, if he didn't want to be found he wouldn't keep the same number-

He cut himself off, his expression darkening slightly. "Dammit, no," he muttered, resisting the urge to smack his own head. There was no _if_. Sam couldn't be back. End of story. Six months working on a semblance of a normal life, and his past was all flooding back to him in one night. He had done what Sam asked. Was that so wrong of him? He tried to find his apple pie life. Staying in one place, spending time with Lisa and Ben, forgetting about hunting…he even got a "real" job working at a local auto garage. Would he even toy with the idea of throwing all that away?

In the pit of his stomach he already knew the answer to that…and god he really almost hated himself for it. But it was _Sam._ Something definitely didn't feel right about this…and if he couldn't shake it off this quickly, then he knew it wasn't going to go away until he did everything possible to prove himself wrong. "Dammit," he cursed again. Dream Bela was right. He was an idiot.

He looked towards the clock. Almost ten…he'd slept longer that he thought he would. That meant it was too late to go over to Lisa's now, but he knew he had to talk to her before he went anywhere. Still, she should still be awake now. Opening his cell, he quickly dialed her number. "Hi, Lisa it's Dean," he greeted as she picked up. "Sorry, I know it's a bit late, I…yes, I got your message…dinner sounds...uh…look there's something I need to talk to you, will you be around in the morning? Oh right, it's Saturday, both of you will be there, great…no everything's…fine…sort of. I'll explain tomorrow, alright? Okay thanks…goodnight."

As soon as he hung up, Dean let out a breath he wasn't fully aware he had been holding. This was going to suck…to put it politely. "Damn," he muttered one more time, before heading off to his room. He had some packing to do.

††††††††

The impala came to a slow stop by the curb in front of the Braeden house. He turned and pulled the key out of the ignition, but didn't step out of the car right away. His eyes glanced at the packed duffel bag in the passenger seat. 'What the hell am I doing?' he silently asked for the hundredth time, but despite that, deep down he knew his decision was final. His gaze turned up to the house instead, where he could already spy Lisa through the front window. She turned and noticed as well, giving a small wave before she moved towards the front door. He quickly stepped out of the car and went up the front path to meet her.

The door swung open just as he got there. Lisa's dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she dressed simply in jeans and a blouse. She looked terrific, as always though, greeting him with a smile of her face though he already got the sense she was a bit anxious. He couldn't blame her. Cryptic phone calls like his last night were never a good sign.

"Morning stranger," she said, her tone friendly, leaning through the doorway to give him a light kiss on the cheek. The gesture was mostly a casual thing between them, honestly. Everyone would probably be surprised to know that he and Lisa hadn't really…_done_ that much during his time back. Sure, he was tempted, and they had come close some nights, but again the whole situation wasn't quite right.

"Hey Lisa," he said in return, offering a small smile too when she stepped back. She opened the door a little wider; letting him all the way in before she closed it gently. "Ben here?" he asked simply, looking around the hallway and then glancing back at her.

She gave a gently nod. "Yes, but he's upstairs right now," she replied, guessing that what he was really asking was 'Is Ben nearby?'

"Right…good," he said, placing his hands in the pockets of his jacket. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he could feel nerves begin to settle in the pit of his stomach. He could face a pack of werewolves right now and probably feel less trepidation.

Lisa walked past, heading into her living room and he wasn't far behind. "So, what's up? Last night you didn't exactly sound-"

"I'm heading out of town," he interrupted, knowing it was rude, but he had to get that first part off his chest right away. There was a beat of silence. "Probably out of state too," he added awkwardly.

There was more silence. He was hesitant about it, but he made sure he didn't look away from her face, trying to discern what she was thinking. Lisa's face was doing a good job at staying neutral, but he saw shock and confusion flicker across her features.

"Oh," was all she could say at first, her left fingers playing with a pendant she was wearing on her neck. "Guess you really didn't want to meet my parents, huh?" she continued, though the humor was half-hearted at best.

Now guilt started to build along with the nerves. "Lisa, come on, it's not that at all," he started to defend, but she shook her head to stop him.

"No, I know," she conceded gently. She looked to him, attempting a smile. "Why, then?" she asked.

He gave a brief sigh. "I can't explain it. Or I could, but I don't really want to sound crazier that I already feel," he replied. "But there's something I gotta look into. Maybe it's nothing, but I'm afraid it's going to make things worse if I just ignore it," he continued, with a light shake of her head. His gaze met hers earnestly. "I'm sorry Lisa. I really didn't want, or plan to do this…but this is something I need to take care of."

Her expression was still overall unreadable, but at least she was completely freaking out or yelling at him. That was something. "How long?" she asked, her arms folded gently across her chest now.

"Honestly? Can't say...hopefully not long, but seeing as I don't really know what the hell I'm going to trying to do exactly, I don't really have a timeframe," he admitted bluntly, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck briefly.

Lisa let out a low sigh, looking away for a moment, before taking a step closer to him. "It's just…it's just difficult, Dean," she said slowly, a hint of regret in her tone. "I wasn't exactly ever waiting for you before you showed up at my doorstep for the first time in years, but now I find myself waiting for you all the time. And I still don't know if you're ever really going to come back," she explained, dark eyes looking at him pleadingly.

"I know, and I'm sorry," he replied, well aware that he was saying that word a lot right now, but he didn't know what other one to use. "Believe me, it's not easy to walk away from you and Ben, or this whole "it's a wonderful life" thing you've got going on. But, this other part…my former life…I know it sounds crazy, but it's not easy to walk away from it either." He wished it were. Sure, it wasn't like hunting was without perks, and yes, he got to save some lives. But why was it so much more difficult for him to just live like everybody else? Why had it been so much easier to just accept a life of diner food, bad motels, and killing things on a weekly basis?

Lisa was quiet again, and this time it looked like she was studying him. "It's Sam, isn't it?" she asked, very quietly. He tried not to, but he felt himself stiffen at the mention of his brother's name, and he knew Lisa wouldn't miss that. Her expression visibly became sad now. "You almost never talk about him, and even the few times you did you made it pretty clear that he was dead. I didn't want to push or pry, because I could tell it was painful… but it's not just that he's dead, if he's even that. There's something else going on…" she said thoughtfully, letting out a short, humorless laugh. "There always is in your line of work."

One more moment of silence. "I'm sorry," Dean said, as sincerely as possibly.

She smiled, still sad, but it was genuine. "I understand," she said, reaching out and touching his arm gently. "Not the full story, obviously, but I understand that you have…unfinished business. Quite frankly, I'm surprised this day didn't come sooner," she added honestly. She did sound disappointed, perhaps, but not angry or bitter. It seemed she really did accept this. "Though I was more than happy to have you around as long as I could," she said, her smile growing just a little.

"Thank you Lisa, really. For everything you've done," Dean said, his gaze leveling to hers. "You don't know how much it meant that you gave me this chance, even if I didn't deserve it."

"Shut up, Dean," she said, shaking her head, but a gentle smile playing at her lips. "You deserved every bit of it." There was a brief pause between them, as Lisa removed her hand from his arm. "How soon?" she asked simply, though she didn't need to specify.

"Today…well, more like now, actually," he admitted, nodding out to the Impala. He felt a little bad dumping this on her and leaving right away, but at the same time he knew it was better this way. Plus, the sooner he hit the road the sooner he could prove himself wrong and finally realize that he was just going insane for no good reason. Though he wasn't quite sure if that was the answer he honestly wanted to have, or is some part of him was still truly hoping for the alternative.

"Right," was her only reply, biting her lip gently. "Do you want me to tell something to Ben, or-"

"No," Dean instinctively stopped her. "I'll talk to him. I want to." And he was almost surprised at how true that was. He'd become pretty attached to the kid over these past months.

Lisa only nodded, tucking some of her loose bangs aside as her gaze turned to the stairs behind him. Dean gave his own nod of understanding, before turning around and heading up to the second floor. It didn't take long the pinpoint where Ben was though, as the familiar chords of Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" were playing out of his room. He leaned briefly in the doorway, knocking on the wood frame. "Permission to enter?" he asked, somewhat jokingly.

Ben's head quickly whipped around from where he sat on his desk chair, and a grin soon lit up his face. "Hey Dean!" he greeted enthusiastically. "You were right about this guy, he totally rocks," he added, gesturing towards the stereo.

Dean felt a small grin of his own forming. "Don't ever loose your good taste, kid," he said, taking a step into the room. Neither said a word for a minute, both just enjoying the music and almost nodding along in rhythm. Surprisingly, he wasn't as nervous to say goodbye to Ben. A part of him would definitely miss the boy too, but…well, maybe it was the fact that since there were obvious similarities between the two, he kind of knew he would be okay.

"Listen, Ben," he began simply, moving to sit on the corner of his bed. "I came here to say that, I'm going to be away for a bit. Not sure how long exactly, but there's something I need to do. "

Ben seemed to sit up a little straighter at hearing that, his smile changing into a small frown. "Why? What's going on?" he asked quickly. Before Dean could even answer, Ben's expression turned almost pensive. "Wait, is it the…hunting?" he continued, almost in a whisper. Like it needed to be kept a secret.

Dean shook his head once, but made sure to look Ben in the eye. "No, not exactly. There's a…friend of mine, who might be in some trouble though. I'm just going to check up on him, if I can," he explained, keeping it simple. He didn't bring Sam's name into the mix. He knew Ben could remember his brother somewhat from the Changeling incident, but like Lisa in the past it had more or less just been left that Sam was dead, and he didn't want to confuse the kid. "Like I just told your mom, I'm not sure how long I'll be gone, but I need to leave right away."

Ben looked surprising thoughtful for his age as he heard all this, leaning forward a little in his chair, before he looked to Dean and gave a sharp nod. "I get it…if it's important enough, you have to at least try right?" he replied simply, but admittedly that about summed it up pretty perfectly in his opinion.

The boy hopped out of his chair, and Dean stood up as well. "Just…um…be careful," Ben said, shuffling his foot a little. Apparently he wasn't always great with goodbyes either. "Because you still gotta teach me about your car, remember? And give me more good music," he added, moving past his anxiousness. His tone was somewhat serious, though a grin was returning to his face to prove that his usual enthusiasm was still there.

Dean let out a small chuckle. "Yeah, I got it," he said. "And you be good alright? Not too good of course…but look after your mom for me," he instructed in return, with a somewhat lopsided smile.

Ben gave an earnest nod. "Promise!" he said. There was a slight pause, but then the boy suddenly stepped forward and gave Dean a hug, though he could only reached a little higher than his waist. The older man was momentarily stunned, but secretly gave a softer smile before returning it lightly.

††††††††

The low rumble of the impala engine seemed to echo through the house momentarily. If you listened closely enough, you could even make out yet another rock tune playing just above the noise. Lisa stood there quietly, watching for a moment before she lifted her arm to give a gentle wave. She maybe thought she saw Dean return a nod or something, but before it was clear the wheels started turning and the black Chevy disappeared down the street.

She barely even noticed that Ben appeared by her side, being uncharacteristically quiet. "He'll be okay, right Mom?" he asked sincerely, glancing up at her. Lisa looked and gave her son a small smile, wrapping an arm around him with a gentle squeeze. "Yes, sweetie. I think he will," she said warmly, before her gaze shifted back out the window. 'Eventually, at least,' she added silently.

††††††††

Phew. Little bit tougher to write the emotional stuff, and not sure if I got Ben and Lisa's characters quite right. It was kind of hard to picture all of their relationships (plus, I've never been a big fan of the Lisa/Dean pairing). Hopefully this chapter wasn't too much on the slow side, it was just one of those "tying of loose ends" moments.

Anyway, seems for now I will be keeping to weekly updates as best I can (sorry, I know was late this time!), especially since I move back to school this week.

Once more, thank you to all readers, and a special shout out to reviewers cold kagome and MrsBrdly!

Until next time,

~ Miss Nye


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